Wow, it's been ages.

Hey guys, wow it's been ages.

Well, what have I been up to? Mostly A-Levels, the dreaded A-Levels.
I finished my exams in June and you would think I 'd feel free as a bird but no, I'm now stressing about results day in 13 days. Man, I hate my brain.

While I've not been updating this, I've been in a DBT group to help with my mental health. I didn't think it would help at all (tbh I didn't think much would.) But I'm thrilled to say it makes a difference, as long as I put the work in continually. The skills from this group are what I'm trying to use now to get over my nerves and unhealthy obsession with the faithful day in 2 weeks time. I'll go into DBT more in a new post but skills such as radical acceptance, have a non-judgmental and being in 'wise mind' really do help.

So, if you're stressing about something you can't control, these things may help you. I believe the skills taught in the group are not only amazing in my recovery but could help improve a lot of peoples lives, whether they struggles with mental health issues or not. I mean, we all worry and get nervous about things we can't help and I've been taught the skills to try and help deal with that.

Radical Acceptance
The situation is how it is and cannot be changed. You are not expected to change it either, it is just how it is and you have to wholly accept that.

Non-judgmental
Links to radical acceptance. No judgments, positive or negative need be attached to said thing. This includes judgments on yourself or others concerning the thing. Just deal with the facts. For example, if I were to get lower than expected grades in my exams, these are neither bad or good. It is just how it is and by extension it does not mean I am stupid or a bad person.

So, there are a couple of things I've learnt recently that really help me in many aspect of life, especially worrying. Maybe you can find a way to apply them to yourself.

Take care,

Jen 

x

Fortune Favours the Brave

This quote has really helped me over the past year or so.

I have spent a lot of my life overwhelmed with anxiety; this include over things like exams,being left on my own, spiders, ghosts and even some people.

Over the past couple of years I have been working hard at improving my mental health and anxiety levels and I think I've improved a lot. Obviously, there have been times of increased stress, as there will be for everyone, but I feel like I've dealt with this well since identifying my anxiety and how I can try to improve situations.

During one of these stressful and anxious periods last summer (dreaded exams) I stumbled across the quote "Fortune favours the brave" and I instantly was able to apply it to myself.
I thought if I was able to keep being brave by studying and sitting the exams I would be in a much better situations than if I let anxiety take over myself. Basically, fortune would favour me for bravery in the form of sitting these exams. And it did. I revised hard and sat my exams no matter how scared I was. I was rewarded by my good results last summer which I am immensely proud of.

I'm glad I found this quote, it gave me that boost of motivation to overcome my fears and go out and get what I wanted. I'm still using it for motivation and reassurance today. I will be applying for uni and facing interviews for mental health nursing so I shall be referring myself back to it a lot! It shouldn't be too hard as it is now stuck on my bedroom wall haha!

I hope this quote will be useful to some of you.

Take care,

Jen

What do you want to be when you grow up?

We've all been asked that question when we were younger.

With all the answers such as popstar, princess and astronaut I remember I really wanted to an estate agent when I was 5... strange I know.

But, when you get older, say into secondary school, it gets harder to identify what you actually want to do. There seems to be this pressure within the education system to know exactly how you want to spend the rest of your life when you're just a teenager. It's stressful, most people just don't know and many people change their minds completely, as they should be allowed to. When you've just turned a teenager you're still developing as an individual and still have experiences ahead of you that may shape what you want to do in the future.

I'm writing this because I want to try and reassure people. The pressures from education about jobs and the future continues as you get older and into higher education and it can be worrying when you are unsure of what you want to be/do. Just remember that you don't have to decide the rest of your future right now. People change careers when they are 50 and upwards, even going to uni multiple times, so you can change your mind too! You may find you are very happy with first job you do, you may find you hate the job you thought you always wanted. Don't worry, you are allowed to alter things in your life, including your job.

Education isn't the be all and end all (even though it can seem like it when you are younger) and neither are exams or uni. We are told that our exams shape the rest of our life forever, but remember you can resit and redo things if you are not happy with your performance. If you are determined to do something, you will get their in the end, even if it takes longer than others.

I just want people to know that education, uni and jobs is not everything, or what defines you as successful which is something I think we are fed too much when we are young. Yes, they can be very important but remember to look after your physical and mental health and develop yourself as a person as well throughout your years. There are always options and you should do what you see fit to pursue happiness.

Thank you for reading this ramble haha!

Take care,

Jen

x

'Simple' Tasks

Even the simplest of things can seem as tough as running a marathon when you are suffering with depression. The most ordinary, menial task can really seem like so much effort that you would rather just staying bed with the covers over your head.

As mental health issues affect an individual’s daily life to some extent, it can be assumed that some things will be harder than others to do however, when depression makes it seem so difficult to complete these ‘simple’ tasks it can be harder for people to understand, leading to interpretations of the said individual being ‘lazy’ or ‘unmotivated’. I know I think that about myself when in low mood however, it is of course easy to critise oneself when in that state of mind.

A couple of tasks for me that really seem huge when I’ve been in this sort of situation before are plugging appliances in to the socket and making a cuppa tea. When my mood has been lower these just seem like climbing Everest.

This has been a little bit of a ramble of the thoughts going round in my head but, with mental health awareness gradually improving, I would like to see more understanding surrounding the effects of mental illnesses such as depression on daily life for people. Being misunderstood by those around you whilst suffering with a mental illness can be upsetting, especially when you are trying your hardest to do these everyday tasks.

Remember, the figure is 1 in 4 of us will suffer with a mental health problem. This means becoming a bit more aware of how they may affect people’s everyday life may really help a friend, family member, colleague ect.

Take care,

Jen

x

The Hard Work Paid Off

It really did. 

The year before last, I began my first year of A-Levels and by the end of it didn’t have much to show from it. This is because I was very ill that year both physically for the early part and then after that due to a serious decline in my mental health. My depression and anxiety ruled my life and basically, became my identity. That year, it was nye on impossible to think about exams and coursework when it took all my energy and concentration to even muster up a sentence about what I might have for dinner that night. That is unfortunately what severe depression can leave you like.

To be honest, I barely remember that year, I just remember being sad and sleeping but, I got through it.

This previous academic year came around and I was determined to start again and do well. It was very difficult at times with mental health problems still lingering as they do, but it was great fun too. I met some great friends, my boyfriend and rekindled my interest in Psychology where the determination and ‘spark’ in me also kind of returned along with it. My love for the subject made me very happy and consolidated what I want to do with my life in terms of a career in mental health. 

Exams were difficult and very stressful but I did them and was so proud of myself for that. I remember seeing a quote not long before my exams that said ‘fortune favors the brave’. I thought to myself ‘if you are brave enough to sit that exam, fortune will favor you’ and well, I was right.

Results day rolled around on the 14^th August and I was handed the envelope. Obviously, this was a bit terrifying but when I opened it I was very pleasantly surprised to see my results, especially Psychology and Sociology where I achieved my A s! 

Earlier in the year, I would have thought that impossible but there I was standing with these fantastic results in my hand that belonged to me. I had made it through the year from hell previously and now, I had the proof in my hands that’s I had been very successful academically. I know it sounds cliche but no matter what the results said, I knew I was a stronger person for my struggles but this was like solid proof to me. It was like a 'look at what you achieved, here’s the evidence you’ve done this'.

I am now doing my A2 levels and know it’s still going to be tough but I value the determination, or possibly just stubbornness that I’ve acquired along the way to achieve what I want to achieve.

I guess if you were to take a moral from this it would be to not give up but that can be easier said than done when you feel so down. Perhaps just the comfort in knowing if you just keep moving, no matter what the pace, you can be successful and happy eventually.

So here’s to the next year and whatever it brings. Hopefully positives and hopefully happiness.

Jen

x

Over

Hey guys, well happy new year and I hope everyone has had a lovely festive season.

2014 is upon us and we have waved 2013 goodbye, and I for one am relieved. 2013 was probably the hardest year of my life. I became severely depressed and consumed by anxiety; subsequently I had to drop out of my studies due to this. I could barely leave the house, let alone to go to college and think about my future career prospects when I couldn't even process any information or even think ahead to the next day. To be honest, I remember feeling low and anxious along with just sleeping and that was my life for a lot of this year.

But of course good things have happened too. I have restarted my studies and even have aspirations to study psychology at university and I performed with friends in my theatre groups production of 'Les Miserables' which was such an amazing experience (plus I'm keeping up the performing, in Feb I've got my groups Variety show and also Grease). I'm now in a relationship I'm very happy in and of course I have my little pup who keeps me smiling too.

I hope 2014 is going to be kind to me, I know it's going to be challenging and stressful but if I made it through last year then I can get through this one. While I still live day to day with depression and anxiety I refuse to let them consume me.

Wishing you all the best for this year, may it be a good 'un!

Jen 

x

OCD Awareness Week - how much do you know?

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, OCD, an anxiety disorder in which unwanted thoughts (obsessions)  provoke repetitive actions (compulsions) in order to try and stop the anxiety caused by the obsessive thoughts.

We all know of OCD, most of us use it casually as part of our lexicon "I'm so OCD", "I don't want a messy room because I'm really OCD". It's become such a common phrase that we pass the condition off as something, for example, tidy/organised people 'are' simply because it's just used in that context a lot. It is really stereotyped.

OCD is diagnosed in approximately 1-2% of people in the UK, meaning that the obsessions and compulsions are severe enough that they effect their everyday life. It can really feel like you are trapped inside all the unwanted thoughts and the absolute need to follow out the compulsions in order to stop the thoughts 'coming true'.

Obsessions and compulsions may be linked, like checking you have locked the door a certain number of times so that nobody can break in, that consequence of the door being left open makes sense to everyone however, they may not be linked like this. Someone suffering from OCD may need to check the door is locked a certain number of times because the unwanted thought that they think will happen if they don't complete the compulsion may be something like a close relative dieing. That's a horrible thing to have to live with everyday, to have to complete these compulsions because you believe if you don't a terrible like that may happen. OCD really is a horrible condition that leaves you feeling trapped  inside your own head while sometimes making you feel a bit 'crazy' at the same time - especially if you have to complete a bizarre looking compulsion around people - I know sometimes I have to touch the wall a certain number of times while in school and people have often looked at me like I'm a complete weirdo.

I've said this before but I think the more we all know about mental health the better we can understand and diminish the stigma surrounding it.

Thanks for reading guys, it really means a lot if you've stuck around to have a read of this.

See you soon,

Jen

x

Wow, time flies!

So hey guys, it's been a while.

I hope you are all well, I'm afraid I have been stuck in my own little A-level world for the past few weeks, getting back into the swing of things now (hopefully) and I'm working out how to balance my time between, school, family/friends and blogging. If you are interested or just a buddy a-level student that wants to know, I'm studying Psychology, Sociology, Biology and Extended Project at AS level. 

Anyway, I thought I would do a quick post today just to let you all know that it is world mental health day. This means that it's time to raise awareness, in order to provoke conversations and therefore understand about mental health problems. I've been open about my depression and anxiety in an attempt for the stigma towards mental illness to diminish and I simply have nothing to be ashamed of, after all 1 in 4 of us will at some point experience a mental health problem; it's a lot more common than we sometimes think.

Image from to time-to-change.org.uk

If you are suffering or someone you know think you may have a mental health problem, please talk to someone. A family member, friend, doctor, there will always be someone there to help you.

Finally, if you want more information on mental health issues then check out these little links:

http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/

http://www.mind.org.uk/

Thanks for reading guys, see you soon. 

Jen

x

Sunny day with Sunny

Hi-de-ho guys.

A couple of days ago my Dad, his girlfriend, my boyfriend and me decided to make the most of the sunshine and have a nice day out with Sunny, my little pup. We headed to a local country park which was lovely and Sunny did really well with his walking (after he insisted to be carried at first bless him.) We successfully avoided a few swans which were looking a bit evil at times; you know what I mean, you can see it in their eyes haha.

After we had a nice walk around we headed to a little ice cream parlour nearby which was great, I recommend the cone sprinkled with hundreds of thousands and raspberry ice cream, mmm. ice creammm.

We got to have a look at the animals on the little farm where the parlour is places as well, there were some baby cows too which were adorable.

Blazer - Missguided

Top - Ebay

Jeans - Boohoo

Converse - Schuh

Sunnies - London Market

Ah not long of summer left, sixth form is starting soon. Good luck if you're going back to school/college soon!

See you guys soon,

Jen

x

McElderry Cycle - Final Leg

Hi-de-ho guys.

Sorry I have been around for a while, sometimes life gets so busy you don't realise how much time is escaping from you.

Anyway, I recall telling you all about the lovely Joe McElderry charity Coast to Coast cycle an he and his great team did it! They raised nearly £10,000 for the Teenage Cancer Trust, for whom Joe is a patron for.

I joined them to help support on the last day, it was nice to cheer them on when they went past and give some encouragement. I guess when you're cycling for so many miles in the horrible weather a bit of cheering might motivate you a bit more anyway.

     (Image of Joe from his instagram )

It was a great day, Joe and his team did brilliantly and also a shout out to all the other bikers we saw doing the same route for charity, you are also amazing! It's very humbling to see people doing this sort of thing for charity. I want to get in shape and do something like The Great North Run at some point! Come on Jen!

See you all soon,

Jen 

x

McElderry Charity Cycle

Hi-de-ho guys!

Quick post to say the lovely Joe McElderry, winner of 'The X Factor', is cycling the coast to coast lakes and dales cycle this weekend. There has been forceful icy winds and lots of hills already and there is more to come still! Joe is doing this tough cycle for charity, more specifically the wonderful Teenage Cancer Trust of whom he is a patron for, which do such great work.

I'm going to be supporting Joe on tomorrows leg of the cycle so there'll be more news to come on Joe and his team's journey.

If you can, please show your support and donate to Joe's just giving page, it's for a great cause and everyone would be very grateful, however little/large you can afford is fantastic. Every penny counts haha!

To keep updated follow Joe on twitter at @JoeMcElderry91

See you soon guys,

Jen

x

College Results

Hi-de-ho guys!

Some of you may have collected your results from exams or will be doing so soon. I've got my AS level results which is the first year of A-Levels.

Now, I only have 1 AS; I started out with 4 last September but hey, crap happens doesn't it? Throughout the year I suffered problems which led to me hardly being able to attend sixth form at all. I kept one subject as away of keeping me in a 'sort of' routine' and I was left with my favourite, good ol' psychology.

This past year has been bloody hard, probably the hardest thing I've ever gone through. But I'm still here, I'm still fighting, and on top of that I managed to get an AS level pass too. I'm pretty pleased.

Here's to next month, when I'll be re-starting my AS levels and working towards my desired career in clinical psychology. It's still going to be tough but I have a future that I can look to now and I wanna frickin' do this! Weyhey, motivation!

Hope you all got/get the results you were hoping for, and remember, don't worry if you didn't. Those letters on a piece of paper don't define you.

See you soon,

Jen 

x

Cute Bedroom-y Goodies

Hey guys, hope you're all cooool.

Just a quick post to show you the little collection of cute stuff I bought from good ol' Ikea. Normally I come away with whiteboard pens or something rather nifty but this time I got some cute bedroom-y-ish things that I just think are adorable (they were inexpensive too, yes!)

I adore the little woodland creature cushion, especially the little hedgehog (I've named him Bert Bert). I'm sorry I can't help but name everything haha! The fairy lights are cute little diamondy shaped things and of course there is the lovely little blanket that I got. Now his name is Blankey and, I may seem like a child here, but I feel a lot more comforted when I have 'Blankey' with me. Ah don't judge guys, don't judge. We've all got a teddy or something like that we're attached to haha.

Good luck to peeps getting A-Level results tomorrow!

See you soon,

Jen 

x

Bit of Black an' White

Hey guys, hope you're all okay.

I've been partying a bit, woop the life of the British teenager. Well maybe not what you might class as 'teenage partying' given that I don't drink and was simply boogyin' on down to a bit of the cha cha slide. One of the lads from our drama group is leaving to go to uni and it was his birthday recently, as well as Chris' who is also in the group so it was a bit of an all in one party. It was really good, Ben we'll all miss ya really!

A couple of posts ago I was moaning on about not having the shopping I ordered online, well it's here which means I can move on to moaning about something else haha! I've been loving pairing my outfits with a good old blazer recently and I've been loving this one ever since it arrived. I've not worn one since I was in school but I thought I'd make a little investment in a black blazer; y'know simple, goes with everything and I'm so happy I did. I can't wait to get more and I love this style of blazer that I purchased.

(Sorry the photo quality aint top notch, relying on my good old phone for the minute.)

Blazer - Missguided

Skirt - Boohoo

Top - Ebay

Necklace - River Island

This top is something that immediately caught my eye when I saw it on Victoria's blog (vipxo). When it arrived it was quite large and didn't have that much shape (I bought a medium just for reference) so I did some quick DIYing before I went out the door by simply cutting around the neckline. I'll be doing some more to it soon though to make it look a bit more flattering  but never the less I still love the design and concept! I've been looking for a nice dainty gold necklace and saw the lovely skull piece from River Island. So simple but gorgeous plus the detail on it is actually stunning! (It was only £3 as well, yesss guys bargain time.)

The girl with me is the very lovely Abbie at ThatGeordie so check her out!

I've just remebered, another 'oldie' song came on at the party that I forgot I loved! It was 'Children of the night'. Anyone remember it? 

See you guys soon

Jen

x

The Liebster Award

Hey guys, I've been nominated for a 'Liebster Award', it is awarded to bloggers who have less than 200 followers. The award helps blogs get more readers and become a bigger part of the blogging community which is always good!

I want to say a big thank you to the lovely Emily for nominating me! 

What to do:

1. Come up with 10 facts about yourself

2. You answer the 10 questions that your nominator gave you

3. Nominate  bloggers who have under 200 followers and link them in the post

4. Come up with 10 new questions for the nominees to answer

5. Inform the nominees so they can do their responses

1. My middle name is 'Elka' (hence the username). My Dad is a musician and worked for an Italian music company called 'Elka' so that's how I got the name. I actually really like it, especially as I'm a Daddy's girl haha.

2. I am really interested in psychology, specifically mental health and want to work in the area of clinical psychology eventually. I really want to get more people talking about mental health as well, it's something a lot of people don't understand and if we spoke about it more and therefore more people understood there would be less stigma towards the subject.

3. My favourite film of all time is 'Back to the Future'. Here's another name story guys. My Dad loves the films and so I'm called Jennifer after Marty McFly's girlfriend. I think it's pretty cool, just as well I like the films I guess haha.

4. Staying on the subject of films, I can't watch scary films. No way. I'm scared of most things as it is but actually watching something designed to scare me is a no no. I watched 'Paranormal Activity 3' a year and half-ish ago (well by watched I hid behind a cushion and barely saw the screen) and put it this way, I still sleep with the light on.

5. I am spending my summer trying to entrain my very excited puppy called Sunny. He's my little baby and really loves to play, especially by chewing on my hand, oww.

6. I am terrible at making decisions, absolutely terrible. If someone asks me where we should meet up for example I just panic and get more frustrated with myself that I can't decide a place. Ah.

7. I love to sing and act! (I am yet to find my inner dancer). Last month I was in a production of Les Miserables which was one of the most amazing experiences I have had plus I got to play a prostitute which was pretty fun, maybe slightly awkward when my family were in the audience though.

8. If I could play any role in musical theatre, it would be Eponine. I know lots of people dream of playing her but I just love the complexity of her character; she's not a friendzoned teenage girl, she's so much more. Plus I think my voice would suit her quite well compared to other roles.

9. I never seem to wear matching socks, never. I'm always walking around with different length socks of different colour and pattern. I'm so organised haha.

10. When I was in school my best subjects were probably Religious Education, English Lit and Art and funnily enough they are some of the subjects I did the best in (R.E was my A*, proud moment even a year on) however, don't mention Maths to me, urgh I was terrible.

Questions from Emily

1) If you were stranded on an island and were only allowed one beauty product, what would it be?

Probably a moisturiser, my dry skin is nothing but a pain. Unless sun cream counts? I guess that would be more practical haha.

2) Who's blog do you always find yourself reading? Your favourite blog.

I always find myself reading Zoella's blog.

3) Share with us your top, beauty tip!

Hm, I'm not very good at these but maybe the classic making sure your make up is removed before going to bed?

4) Do you like having a 'label' on your clothes or do you prefer the stuff off the high street?

I just love the high street, don't own anything label or designer. Always up for finding a bargain!

5) What inspired you to start your blog?

I just wanted a little space of my own to put down my thoughts about serious (mental health) and less serious things (fashion, beauty, life ect.) It's just nice to have some place to write things down and even nicer when people read so thank you to anyone who does read any of my posts haha.

6) Describe yourself in three words.

Hmm.. complicated, weird, determined

7) If you could be someone famous for the day, who would you be and why?

Niall Horan, he seems so sweet and happy haha.

8) What is your favourite season?

Probably autumn, I love all the colours around at this time of year, all the orangey reddy browns of the leaves the cool air whipping around you as you step out the front door. Nothing quite like an autumn morning.

9) How would you describe your style?

It keeps evolving but possibly smart-causal? I don't know, I've been liking to team things up with a good blazer recently.

10) What is your favourite item in your bedroom?

My bed.

I nominate...

Lydia

Dazzleulooks

Lolli

Basically My Soul

Our London Wardrobe

My Vinatge World

RougeinLove97

British Mermaid

BLAB

Jake Jopling

Questions 

1. Do you have a middle name, if so what is it?

2. Favourite animal?

3. What is your dream job/career?

4. Favourite Pixar film?

5. What city do you really want to visit?

6. What was/is your favourite subject at school?

7. Favourite tv show as a kid?

8. What celebrity would you love to meet?

9. Favourite song of the moment?

10. Favourite quote?

Again thank you to Emily for the nomination.

See you guys soon,

Jen

x

Puppy Love

Hey guys, I have a new addition to my family.

Everyone meet Sunny.

He's an 11 week old Shih Tzu, who's very outgoing, mischievous and utterly gorgeous.

He's already growing up way too fast; I keep noticing how he's grown all the time!

He already has many nicknames which I am desperately trying not to call him so he doesn't get confused.

These include 'Little Man', 'Poopster' and 'Monsieur Le Maire'. Okay that last one sounds weird but I've just finished being in a production of Les Mis and my mother decided that she liked to say Monsier Le Maire all the time haha.

See you guys soon,

Jen 
x

Waiting, waiting, waiting

All I seem to do is wait nowadays.

I'm waiting for September when I can re-start my A-Levels, I'm waiting till my little puppy is old enough to take for his walkies, I'm waiting for my theatre group to restart after finishing a production of Les Miserables last month plus I'm waiting for online shopping to arrive. Oh the first world problems.

I do kinda feel a bit like I'm in limbo at the moment and it is mostly that I'm just excited to start school again and (hopefully) do well! I want to study psychology at university and I feel quite motivated to do well this year and get myself back on track. I've got a whole summer to enjoy though which is good, but like I said, I'm just waiting for everything in my life for the next 3-4 weeks-ish.

So, amongst spending too much time on the internet and playing with an excited little dog, what have I been up to?

Well, I've been Harry Pottering. 

I got the Harry Potter books in a nice fancy box for christmas which is very exciting, seriously it's a cool box however, I hadn't really read them fully. I kind of just went towards the films; sorry guys haha. I'm really enjoying them though, love getting lost in a good book, especially when it feels so magicial (obviously Jen it's about magic). Now I'm talking to myself through a blog as well as just generally, smooth.

Oh the monkey cookie was also very nice. Harry Potter books and cookies, mmm.

Hopefully the online shopping will arrive soon, I've ordered some goodies (or treasures as I call them) and as I am a human being who happens to lack patience a little bit, I'm getting a bit frustrated that I don't have any of my 'treasures' in my hands haha. Well to be honest after they were ordered I was a bit like 'right, now would be a good time to deliver please'. I didn't care that it 10:30 on a friday night haha.

Are any of you guys studying, or will be soon? If so what and are you enjoying it?

See you guys soon.

Jen x